Pretty Is As Pretty Does

 

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go

Beyonce Knowles

 

A few weeks ago, my husband and I vacationed with another couple in Florida.  Our female friend is a beautiful woman and she works very hard to keep it that way.  She always wears make-up, always fixes her hair, and she always wears fashionable clothes and shoes.  I guess I must have been feeling a little under-done, because I heard myself tell her boyfriend that I had decided that if men could be handsome without make-up, then surely women could be pretty without it.  I’m sure my sister and mother would have laughed if they had heard me say that because I have always worn more make-up than either of them.  Let’s just say… I’ve reconsidered.

My parents never wanted either my sister or me to be vain or to be too concerned with our appearance.  From early on, the emphasis was on being smart, creative, and active.    They made a conscious effort to make the expectations for their daughters to be the same as for their son.  As young girls, Angela and I had short, pixie haircuts that were easy to care for in our active lifestyles of living on a farm and travelling whenever possible.  We wore comfortable clothes and, when we travelled, all three of us wore matching coveralls.  There was no mention of needing to be pretty or dressed up unless, like church, the occasion called for it.  We were often praised for what we accomplished, but rarely for our physical appearance.   In this egalitarian household, how was it that only the boy totally escaped worrying about his beauty?

Even a girl raised in a home where physical beauty is not valued is not totally immune from learning about the value that society places on it.  It was in school that I began to compare myself to other girls and to be influenced by them.  My first memory of this comes from fourth grade.  Girls were just beginning to wear pantsuits to school.  In 1970, a pantsuit was a matching outfit made from polyester fabric.  Because we had always worn dresses to school, we were all shy about being the only girl in pants.  To overcome this, we would all decide together what day we would wear our pantsuits to school.  This was possibly my first experience with peer pressure. 

From my peers, I began to find out some things that I didn’t know.  The other girls at school taught me that I was too chubby and too tall.  My eyebrows were too thick and my hair was too short.  My beautiful clothes that my mother had made for me were not cool because they weren’t store-bought.  None of these girls knew that they had this influence on me at the time and, if I named names, they would be shocked and horrified to learn it now.  I believe that they thought they were helping me and I find this very sad.

Angela and I were allowed to get our ears pierced, shave our legs, and wear make-up once we were teenagers.  Angela is almost four years older and I loved watching her put on her make-up, I loved her clothes, and I thought her hair was gorgeous.  When I was old enough to start putting on make-up myself, I tried to emulate her.  When I started high school, Angela was a senior.  When other kids found out that I was her little sister, they would say, “Oh, your sister is so beautiful!”  I was very proud of her, wanted to be like her, and thought that it would be spectacular if people said this about me.

What is the importance of beauty?  Recently, Dove has been running a series of commercials exposing a sad fact that many women have a poor self-image when it comes to beauty.  The response of a blogger made me think about the emphasis placed on beauty.  In essence, the blog pointed out that a woman could be courageous, intelligent, accomplished, but if she wasn’t beautiful, then she wasn’t good enough. 

Where does this begin?  It must be early, because I know when you have a daughter, a stranger’s remark that your baby is pretty is high praise and you thank them.  If your baby is a boy, you might feel compelled to respond to the compliment by informing the person, perhaps with indignation, that the baby is a boy.  When I reflect on this, I realize that there is parental pride in your daughter if she is pretty.  However, with sons, we might be pleased that he is handsome, but we recognize being handsome is not enough.

The YWCA published a document, “Beauty At Any Cost,” that reports that American women spend an estimated $7,000,000,000 per year on cosmetics.  As they point out, “One full year of tuition and fees at an in-state public college is equal to almost five years of saving $100 a month normally spent on cosmetics and beauty products.”  At the same time, the National Center for Education Statistics reports that the majority of all college degrees are being awarded to women. (National Center for Education Statistics, 2012)  Therefore, I do not believe that it is fair to say that women are choosing beauty over education.  Instead, I believe these two statistics reflect the growing pains in our culture in respect to the roles of women.  We are still in the Superwoman Phase, where a woman “of quality” must be beautiful, smart, an efficient homemaker, devoted mother, and have an amazing career.  It makes me tired just thinking about it. 

Beauty Pageants frustrate me to death.  It is so illogical to spend thousands of dollars on pageants using the possibility of winning scholarship money as your rationale.  I’ve heard this rationale over and over and it is so absurd that I refuse to waste my time addressing it.  Other rationales are poise, self-confidence, and promoting a cause.  Have these people not heard of ballet, community theatre, sports, or social activism?  As a society we have somehow managed to raise boys to be self-confident and cultured without pageants.  I believe that pageants do more harm than good. Even if that assumption is false, anything positive that is gained for the pageant competitor can be achieved in other ways.  Kate Sullivan, writing for Allure about child beauty pageants, put it simply and elegantly:

“See, that's the thing: Anything good that a pageant does for a child, something else does it better. As a former basketball player and competitive cheerleader (yes, it's a sport), I know that competition, and the wins and losses that went with it, educated me about the real world. But it's exactly because I did those self-esteem building activities that I know there are options for parents who want confident, happy kids. In a childhood that's full of opportunities for soccer games and spelling bees, why can't we just put away the self-tanner and baby high heels?” (Sullivan, 2011)

So after a lifetime of trying to look like something I’m not, I’ve decided to quit.  I’ve pledged to stop visiting the nail salon and the tanning salon, spending money on plastic surgery and non-surgical cosmetic treatments, and spending money at weight-loss centers.  I’m going to let the wrinkles come and smile at my thin lips. 

Why?  I no longer want to be a part of the problem.  If I say that beauty should not be important, I need to walk this talk.  What’s amazing?  The FREEDOM it gives me.

Oh, to have been a male and to have felt this freedom all of my life!  No more uncomfortable bras or shoes!  Since I am no longer going to spend 60 minutes a day fixing my hair, putting on make-up, and picking out (stressing over) the right outfit, I will be ready to grab my keys and walk out the door just like the men! 

After all, pretty is as pretty does.

 

Works Cited

National Center for Education Statistics. (2012). The Condition of Education. US Department of Education.

Sullivan, K. (2011, May 26). Retrieved April 27, 2013, from Allure: http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/blogs/daily-beauty-reporter/2011/05/child-beauty-pageants-hurt-kid.html

YWCA. (2008). Beauty at Any Cost: The Consequences of America's Beauty Obsession on Women and Girls. YWCA.