Attitude, Not Latitude

My parents, like approximately 38 other members of our family, were teachers.  When it was time for them to enroll the oldest of us in school they, like most parents, went through a little hand-wringing about where to send us to school.  Eventually, Mama made a visit to the elementary school nearest to our home and she was struck by how happy the children looked.  The decision was made and my brother, sister, and I spent all of our education in the County schools.

As an educator, I get asked the following question repeatedly:  What is the best school to send my child?  No one is ever satisfied with my answer.

Some people are really asking me what the school population is like.  They are more interested in whether or not their child is going to be “exposed” to the parts of our society that they would prefer their kids never come into contact with.  If this is your major concern, I would recommend a cult, convent, or fortress.

Some parents are concerned that their child’s giftedness will go undernourished in an environment where teachers are overwhelmed with the demands of the other students.

There is also that element of society that is worried their child won’t be part of the cool kids.  They want to make sure that their child goes to a school where they can be top dog.

Some parents are looking for a school that is more like Summer Camp or Disney World.

Some parents seem paranoid about bullying.  Unfortunately in these situations, no matter what school their child attends, their child is going to be bullied.  Why?  Because the parents’ perception of and preoccupation with every schoolyard spat is going to sound like bullying to them.  I do recognize that bullying is a valid problem but I also recognize that it can happen anywhere.

The success that my siblings and I had in life had very little to do with where we went to school.  It was my parents that made the difference.  We were read to at an early age.  On long car trips, my parents read us the classics and we were equipped with paper and pencil in the backseat.  When I struggled a bit with learning to read, my dad sat down with me at night and had me practice sight words with flash cards.  We had a study hour every night whether we had homework or not.  Our report cards were scrutinized and we knew we were personally held accountable for our grades and our behavior at school.

My parents never thought it was the school’s responsibility to enrich my life or to teach me morals.  They accepted this as their own responsibility.  I took swimming lessons, dance lessons, piano lessons, gymnastics (short lived – see blog Happily Unbalanced), and art.  We traveled, camped, water skied, and roller skated.  We were taught morality at home and at the church of our family’s choice. 

There was no teacher blaming or school blaming and, if there was, it was not openly aired in front of us.  There were a couple of circumstances where our parents had to act as advocates for us.  We knew that if something was going on at school that was just not fair then we could tell Mama and Daddy and they would look into it.  In other words, they tried to help, not fix!

Before hearing my advice on where to send your child to school, first take these things to heart:

Accept your role as your child’s primary educator and stop passing the buck.  If your child struggles with a subject, make it your business to make sure they get help.  Let the dishes sit in the sink, get out that homework, and help (please don’t do it for them).  If your child needs enrichment, then it is your responsibility to make sure that happens.  If you want your children to have strong morals, then live the type of life you want them to emulate because they are watching you all the time!  Stop expecting the school to take on your parenting role.  Despite the bragging that we educators sometimes do about the amount of hours a day we spend with your child, we can never replace you.

Trust your child.  Let your child experience their own life and keep your need to hover at a minimum.  You cannot protect them against every bad thing in life.  When you try to, you are giving your child the message that you don’t trust them to be able to handle their own difficulties; thus, your good intentions of trying to protect your child are actually very debilitating to them.   

Trust your school.  The field of teaching does not attract lazy or greedy people so you have every reason to believe that the people who are working with your child are there because they believe in the school’s mission.  Your child’s teacher is not your enemy.  If there is a concern, go straight to the teacher first and talk about it.  Also, the purpose of your visit should not be to assign blame but, rather, to find a solution.

So when you consider where to take your child for their education, my advice is…                       (drum-roll, please)… the most convenient one. 

Now you see why no one likes my advice.  Everyone is convinced that they must go through extraordinary means to make sure their child gets the best there is to offer.  But what I think is…

It’s about ATTITUDE, not LATITUDE.

 

My old elementary school, where happy children still attend.